Swear Words

@#$%*
OK, so I promised swear words, and there haven't been any. Truth is I rarely use 'em. Swear words are verbal pin pricks, even from what I call "secondary" swear words such as shut up, stupid, idiot or moron. My children weren't allowed to use these words, not even the word crap. Furthermore, hostile words were not allowed in my classroom. For many years, I used a quarter jar. If a student said shut up or stupid, s/he paid a quarter or brought a can of food for the food bank. I always offered an alternative punishment to the quarter rule, such as some writing. The students almost always chose the quarter. Quarters went for class supplies or for treats, for which I paid the bulk. When parents became more litigious, I kept receipts. At first the students balked, and then they began self disciplining. "Quarter!" they shouted, whenever an offending words was uttered.

When I worked at an inner city school, it was very difficult for my students not to say shut up. It was a central word to their everyday lives and in our halls, not to mention the word, fuck. I had to provide them with new words, say, “Please, be quiet!” in place of shut-up, etc. Students grabbed hold of these phrases once they were given them. Some cute kids would cover their mouths whenever they let slip the "S" word, as it became known. A tangible difference swept the classroom atmosphere. When our class received new students, the mean words slipped into the air like gaudy darts, until the new students became acclimated.

I had to end the quarter jar, when an administrator told me I could not assign any consequences to students for their actions. All I could do was to have them acknowledge the classroom rule or refer students to her. Of course, the number of referrals figured in negatively to evaluations, *@#$. To everything there is a season.

There is a place for bad language. The trick is to pinpoint the right time and right place. In other words, learn self control. As the only female working at a hardware store, I broke into the group of men by learning and telling the most colorful jokes imaginable, but they learned something from me too. A carousel of postcards sat in front of the store next to the cash register. When we were bored, they let me teach and quiz them on how to recognize the earmarks of Picasso, Degas, Gauguin and Van Gogh.

Another time I thought swear words were called for, was when a female friend wrote a story about a fight between two men in a prison cell. No swear words were used, and the story just did not ring true to me. Nothing makes a person more common than the use of swear words. I once overheard a young lady yield a slew of invectives on a playground. Her speech made her common and unsightly. I learned from Shakespeare insults can have far more pluck: Thou artless, clay-brained codpiece. Look up the word cod, if you are not familiar with it. I told her every time she opened her mouth a little cockroach crawled out. She got quiet after that statement. Looking back, I wish I had instructed with kindness and said something like, You are far too pretty or intelligent or lovely to use such ugly words. Odysseus cut of the cods off of one of the errant, fat-kidneyed malt-worms that invaded his home. I suggest turning out the swear word invaders out of our homes and work places. Instead, invite in some tranquil, high-noted, pictorial pleasures or some reasoned high-ranking (not rank) critique.