New Harmony, Disrupted

New Harmony is located in the southern most part of Indiana on the Wabash River. It is a town that was originated by two utopian societies, the New Harmonists and the Owenists. To be brief, an understatement, the Harmonist was your typical Puritan-like sect, in my mind, who were bought out, perhaps in more ways than one, by secular humanists and suffragists, among others.
Today, the retreat town bears the fruit of both heritages.

The town radiates a kind of justice to the eye in its beauty. Everywhere one looks there is either a piece of sculpture, a beautiful quote to read, a sanctuary garden, a fountain, or a bench to sit on. Not to mention the town's period buildings, such as the Granary; or the Roofless Church, the Labyrinths, the Workmen's Institute and the modern architectural prize, the Antheneum. And yet there is something "Steppherd Wivesy" about the place. There are only 700 or so denizens, who get around in gold carts, and wave and smile like the inhabitants of the village in the 1960s TV series The Prisoner.

Some of the writer's wondered where all the children were. The absence of laughter or the sound of dogs, made it seem as all the boys and girls and pets were secreted away, only allowed out at night. After poking around, I did locate a child friendly street. I walked to the very southernmost block in the town, before the cornrows begin. In a town the size of New Harmony, it isn't hard to do. However, I did notice the gardens in the front yards were not so nearly as meticulous as in the blocks before. Three bikes were tossed carelessly on the ground in front of a trailer house. Furthermore, two middle school boys, one pudgy specimen with a falsetto voice, walked up the street towards me. Obvious nerds, I longed to join in their smart sounding conversation that belied their John Deer hats and wife beater t-shirts (don't blame me for the sobriquet). Continuing up the street, one young girl about 11 in a flurry of pink shorts passed me. As I turned to head back to the Red Geranium for supper with several adults, I spied a blue, plastic, swimming pool with fishes on the side, tucked reassuringly on the lawn of a backyard.

The interesting thing about the workshop--it seemed to be a proving ground for student writers to fawn on established luminaries. Children after all. (Perhaps a misplaced modifier.) Even so, three different young people said to me that I reminded them of their mothers. I remain deeply touched. One lent me three of his own poetry books for three years. I am not kidding about the three's. Inside one of the books was a typed, but personal letter of encouraging words. No one has ever favored me in this way. Again, I felt moved.

Ironically, I left the retreat a day and a half early. My own daughter needed me. And as always there is so much more to tell.

Sharp

by Amy K. Genova

Thirteen hawks fly
with their hawk hearts
over the crepuscular river
where dormouse is all
breast & shivers like
Mahler’s woodwinds

Their hawk eyes say much
while ragweed rags
& maples hum—
the dormouse should
be feldspar
should be wings

should be civility

But dormouse is dormouse
and hawks are hawks
all eye & muscle,
with hearts in their beaks

Even if there were pencils
and thirteen hawks idled
over musical arguments
or notes of clouds,
dormice are syllables

& hawks have so much to sing

Past Past

Past the clinks of the metal bat, the high school boys running bases—fielding something, past the flirty girl in pink, still. Past the fat mother and her baby on her lap, swinging together, stretching the strip of rubber suspended by chains. Past the river that’s lost it’s sway, bent straight by men and edged with concrete, broken concrete. Past the curiosity of the concrete, past the young man smiling at his woman, her lids half lowered. Past her face, smooth as a nickel. Past sheets and skin and the jelly roll. Past the usual line of five o’clock cars snagging the walking-bridge joy. Past the White River. Past loneliness and lolling on a log by the river, past eyeing a knob. Smooth, beneath the fallen tree. A shell or a snail. Past leaning forward for it’s touch, the bump’s touch, the unexpected polish. Past not caring. Past dying—not past here. In thoughts and ant hills. Feeling spring in the nose, the weariness of bones. Half in dreams. Half in memory. Wondering what it means. How to get it back.

Shadows

Hillary outlined a plan. Mentioned standing up to China, not holding hands with the Saudis. Mourned magnets we manufactured in Muncie for guided missile systems, out-sourced along with the factory to another country. Her blazer was smart. Gold. My new haircut slopes to the right. Trendy. I peer through the small hoops of my Walgreens glasses. The left side of my body hurts. And my heels. On the way home from the hairdresser, yellow sprigs of forsythia bouqueted the sides of chipped houses. Magnolia trees dropped wax-like leaves here and there and deep red branches of roadside bushes opened up with pink or white blossom. Winter so tight with gray, made me forget. Indiana can be beautiful. The potholes hurt my self-esteem. Maybe forever. Now, the sun streams in from the kitchen window. Over my kitchen sink. Over my left shoulder. Winks back at me from my computer screen along with my wavering shadow. Strange things shadows, like mute mountains. Witnesses without tongues. I almost believe they are spirit, like I did at eleven. My daughter is eighteen. Same age as my husband, when I met him. How odd. I may never get to Europe. Hillary may beat me to it. One way or another.

Before the gods were invented

Before golden rains or swans sullied maidenheads—
earlier than Mary’s Mother-of-God-swansong
or Woden’s bartering an eyeball for wisdom,
Before the golden calf, Loki, or Abraham’s covenant
with God—prior to Jesus, Joseph Smith
or Durga’s ride on a white tiger
Before Siddhartha’s footprints dimpled the earth
from India to China under the trunk
of an elephant-headed god, whose broken tusk
still waxes over a thousand Hindu thresholds
from the Malay Archipelago to Brooklyn,

Before the Renaissance’s Amida Buddha’s bronzed
hands poised in a mudra of contemplation,
or his eyes bent on a dogma of devotees
chanting: Amida, Amida, Amida—open
the pure land’s gates,
Before Dante’s hell yowled for the wailing whirlpool
of weeping sinners, before the invention of gods,

Maybe, they fished. Caught spotted catfish or silver trout.
Watched the birds. Sure, there were divisions—
but nobody divvied up heaven’s devotion of the earthy world.
Before the gods were invented, maybe they listened
to the wet, soily days of spring
and accepted death—dying like animals do.

Girl in Tub.

All right. True story. I am leaving out half of it. But, when I was nineteen, I came into the means of being able to have a big party. You know the kind with a keg and all. My first keg. I remember we had a fancy spread of hors d’oeuvres just like at my mother’s outlandish parties. I might have hired a band, but I cannot for the life of me recall that part. At any rate someone came and got me and said there was a problem in the bathroom. I went upstairs and there was a group of boys crowding into it. I edged a path through the middle and looked down in horror at a naked girl passed out in the bathtub. Her own vomit floated in about the two inches of water that surrounded her. It didn’t seem like enough to drown her, but if she had rolled over without the audience…. A large bruise eddied up on her forehead. It was an image, I never forgot.

“All right,” I cried, “Everybody out, except Steven.”

Someone said, “We’re just trying to sober her up.”

“Yeah right,” I thought, “by taking off her clothes?” But I didn’t have time to deal with them. Everybody obeyed in part because I had honored Steven by asking him to stay, which he did. Now, I shudder when I think of him, but then he garnered some respect with us neighborhood kids. Let me paint you a picture. Steven was a skinny, straight haired goon that hung around the clubhouse and played pool all day, after he decided not to go to school anymore. A Camel cigarette forever hung out of his mouth and we all knew he carried around a Zippo lighter in his front pocket along with a small pipe for marijuana. If Steven had been a cartoon, he would have resembled a big beaked bird with a turkey gullet sprouting from a Levi shirt. His loose blue jeans would be cinched above his skinny butt with a wide leather belt. And even though he was neat as a pin, except for his oily hair, I sometimes imagine him with a red rag in the back pocket of his pants because the only job I could ever imagine him getting is in a garage, if he didn’t end up in something shadier. We, kids, attributed too much intelligence and power to him simply because he smoked marijuana and didn’t say much.

At any rate, at that moment in the bathroom, I was in charge. I told Steven to get a sheet from one of the beds. I drained the water and cleaned the girl up; it seems like I turned the shower on at one point to rinse the vomit from her. She didn’t wake up, but I could see she was breathing. I probably checked her eyes to see if they were dilated. I am sure I checked her eyes. In those days, there was no 911, but one could call the operator, although I am not sure what she would have done for us, called an ambulance, given us the number of a hospital? I made the decision that the girl would be all right. Steven and I wrapped her in a dry sheet and carried her to a bed in one of the upstairs bedrooms. I have some memory of having checked on her off and on until I felt satisfied. In fact, I was rather pleased with myself, I felt like a mother.

As a backward looking adult, I know that the girl should have had immediate medical attention. She might have had a concussion or worse. Half a dozen boys should have been charged with sexual assault. At the very least, I should have been charged with under-aged drinking. My boyfriend’s sister, the owner of the house, could have been held responsible for all of the above and more. But none of these things happened. The next day, the girl woke up. She didn’t ask about the bruise on her forehead or waking up naked in a sheet, and she seemed surprisingly cheery. I’m sure she wondered though. Or maybe she didn’t and this incident was just the beginning of a long slide. I’ve always wondered what she thought. I know I feel lucky. This, as I said, was only half of the story.

New Science

Last Friday, I went the basement planetarium’s free show. Beats Bingo at the VFW or the Charity Knitting Circle, the natural lineups in The Star Press’s community calendar. The program boasted about the birth of the planets: Jupiter, Mars, and of course Uranus, which roots out a ruckus no matter how it’s pronounced. A small thrill flapped in the crowd too when it came to Pluto, having fallen from grace and all, not being a planet. Reminds me about all those sinners who ate meat on Fridays. What happened to’em? The pope just taps that ring on his finger, pretty as you please, and the schools dish up fish sticks on Thursdays or Tuesdays or any other blessed day. No disrespect intended. Anyway as the dome lights dimmed, this machine sittin’ in the middle, big as Paul Bunyan’s barbell—or maybe Orion’s, just to keep in the spirit of things—started rotating. Pin-pricks cast a close up of stars on the ceiling, near as the face of God as Ronald Reagan used to say. I don’t mean to be rude, but then they showed this pink, gaseous cloud slidin’ along in front of the constellations. It looked just like an upside down uterus! Sorta like a cornucopia with the skinny end at the top. The bottom end big enough to swallow oranges and apples of planets, like we used to use in science class. As I was sayin’, this whoppin’ pink scoop was mindin’ its own business, when it picked something up. I can’t remember what it gulped down, but it made sense—this gassy nebula hovering out so large and wide like some love-thirsty, old lady--then bang! Our sun came into bein’, ugly as a swaddling, but turnin’ out just fine. Sounds like some man’s dream alright, a giant floating vagina, but I like how they didn’t apologize to the Bible or anything. They just came right out and said it, In the beginning…